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Post by BWV Dreamin on Mar 6, 2023 18:40:01 GMT -5
@helenabear (( hugs)) Thank you for the kind words. That is really tuff about your mom and spouse. Life definitely is not fair, but love heals all wounds. ((Hugs again)). My daughter in law has a stepmom, but her dad has passed away. I do "double duty" for a lot of things, being Mom for both my son and her. She has family that we will need to share with, but proximity is on my side, 1 hour away versus 9...  😂 Yea one for the mother of the son! |
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Post by helenabear on Mar 6, 2023 18:58:47 GMT -5
@helenabear (( hugs)) Thank you for the kind words. That is really tuff about your mom and spouse. Life definitely is not fair, but love heals all wounds. ((Hugs again)). Thank you. I lost my mom when I was still in high school, so I've had almost 2/3 of my life without her at this point. I had hoped for a nice MIL but... let's just say something they lied about this weekend just irked me and I'm now officially done with them. I don't do liars and this one isn't forgivable to me. They couldn't be bothered to meet their one and only grandson until we brought him to them and expected us always to travel even though they could go to Europe or cruises or whatever. Didn't care that my birth was literally threatening my life. Didn't care at all. So after 15 years I'm over it. Just wish my kid had a kind grandmother but we've had friends who filled in so he never felt like he was missing out on too much. My dad does what he can, but he's an engineer lol we're lucky to have great friends and other family who are cheering him on in person or from afar in a genuine way. @helenabear (( hugs)) Thank you for the kind words. That is really tuff about your mom and spouse. Life definitely is not fair, but love heals all wounds. ((Hugs again)). My daughter in law has a stepmom, but her dad has passed away. I do "double duty" for a lot of things, being Mom for both my son and her. She has family that we will need to share with, but proximity is on my side, 1 hour away versus 9...  This is how family should be. Not all can be there and knowing you can step in, I'm sure makes her feel more loved. |
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Post by BWV Dreamin on Mar 6, 2023 19:52:59 GMT -5
@helenabear
I just want to say (( hugs)) again….
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Post by henrycpa on Mar 6, 2023 21:44:01 GMT -5
Well my son has a step daughter, the 7 yo. We have to find time to see both her and my blood granddaughter , as my sons family time is split up between two sets of parents and three sets of grandparents! And anyone that has a married son knows that the wife’s parents are the priority( I am sure there are exceptions). So we try not to rock the boat, and my poor son gets caught in the middle I know. But sometimes there are other factors that come into play with seeing your grandkids. So we are on grand baby duty as my daughter-in-law is going to have a HOME birth any day. With a midwife. So we are planning to drive up as soon as labor starts to watch the other kids and spend the night. Sure, no problem BUT! Her mother may or may not come at the same time. So now my time with the grandkids maybe totally interrupted by having her mom there at the same time. BRP……are you reading this! Ok, I am going to admit to some real selfishness and pettiness... We are going back in early Dec and I am using points to get my Son and family 3 nights while we are there. He asked the other day if I would mind if his mom and her husband could come down at the same time. I originally really had not problem. I am fortunate that my ex and I still get along and like each other and I really and truly appreciate her husband and his role in helping raise our son and I am pretty sure she feels the same about my wife. We consider each other friends.... But then I got to thinking it will only be 3 days and I do not want to share my time with her. Especially since they know her better because she is able to spend more time with them. So I asked my son not to schedule them with our trip. I have felt bad since then but I really want my grandkids to myself for those 3 days. So, yes, I am petty and selfish. |
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Post by ermindy1133 on Mar 7, 2023 8:57:50 GMT -5
Well my son has a step daughter, the 7 yo. We have to find time to see both her and my blood granddaughter , as my sons family time is split up between two sets of parents and three sets of grandparents! And anyone that has a married son knows that the wife’s parents are the priority( I am sure there are exceptions). So we try not to rock the boat, and my poor son gets caught in the middle I know. But sometimes there are other factors that come into play with seeing your grandkids. So we are on grand baby duty as my daughter-in-law is going to have a HOME birth any day. With a midwife. So we are planning to drive up as soon as labor starts to watch the other kids and spend the night. Sure, no problem BUT! Her mother may or may not come at the same time. So now my time with the grandkids maybe totally interrupted by having her mom there at the same time. BRP……are you reading this! Ok, I am going to admit to some real selfishness and pettiness... We are going back in early Dec and I am using points to get my Son and family 3 nights while we are there. He asked the other day if I would mind if his mom and her husband could come down at the same time. I originally really had not problem. I am fortunate that my ex and I still get along and like each other and I really and truly appreciate her husband and his role in helping raise our son and I am pretty sure she feels the same about my wife. We consider each other friends.... But then I got to thinking it will only be 3 days and I do not want to share my time with her. Especially since they know her better because she is able to spend more time with them. So I asked my son not to schedule them with our trip. I have felt bad since then but I really want my grandkids to myself for those 3 days. So, yes, I am petty and selfish. I don't think you are being petty. I think that you are trying to spend some quality time with your grandkids, and build your relationship with them. And that is wonderful! Kids can never have too many people who love them.  It's really lovely that you all get along so well, but being more comfortable with your ex, the kids would likely gravitate to her during the trip. Perhaps when you have strengthened your relationship with the kiddos, you could all do a large family trip. But for now, I think that working on spending more 1:1 time with them is important. And your son and his mom would probably agree, if they thought about it. |
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Post by BWV Dreamin on Mar 7, 2023 10:27:57 GMT -5
See this is my situation. So when ever holidays, birthdays, etc come up with our grand daughter, we are always the ones that are adjusting our schedule, not my in-laws. Ok, I can live with that. But we want OUR time with them, not shared all together time. Since my daughter in law has to once a month go to her family’s house so her first daughter can see her dad, then they go down at least twice a month to her moms, well there is not much time for us. So, hopefully as the girls get older I can have them spend the night or weekend or something.
It’s really a fine line to walk so as not to have hard feelings. But I think at some point my son should speak up and say hey, we need to see my parents. I just pray about it.
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Post by nrspepe on Mar 7, 2023 12:14:51 GMT -5
We are expecting our second great grandchild…cant wait! We brought the kids to Disney World several times, the grand kid…too many times to count, and then enjoyed many wonderful adults only Disney trips. Great grandson, now almost 3, has been to DL three times. It has been a joy to witness the wonderment in his eyes and the adoration in his parent's. Dumbo is his favorite ride. Watching cartoons in the VGC lobby is his favorite pastime. It brings an entirely new perspective to our family Disney trips! But, we do still enjoy one or two short visits for just the two of us every year. It’s a nice balance right now.
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Post by rwethereyet on Mar 7, 2023 14:14:58 GMT -5
HenryCPA, mentioning that you drove to Pinehurst for golf. Do you live in North Carolina?
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Post by ermindy1133 on Mar 7, 2023 14:30:22 GMT -5
See this is my situation. So when ever holidays, birthdays, etc come up with our grand daughter, we are always the ones that are adjusting our schedule, not my in-laws. Ok, I can live with that. But we want OUR time with them, not shared all together time. Since my daughter in law has to once a month go to her family’s house so her first daughter can see her dad, then they go down at least twice a month to her moms, well there is not much time for us. So, hopefully as the girls get older I can have them spend the night or weekend or something. It’s really a fine line to walk so as not to have hard feelings. But I think at some point my son should speak up and say hey, we need to see my parents. I just pray about it. Mothers of sons have a VERY fine line to walk. "A son is a son 'til he takes a wife. But a daughter is a daughter all of her life." So very true. For now, you just have to go with it, unfortunately. But once the new one is here, and your daughter in law has had time to settle in to her new life, maybe you could sit down with the two of them and explain how important it is for you to feel that you are an active part of the grandchildren's lives. She may not be aware that you are feeling excluded. We had some issues during the whole wedding saga, and I finally had to tell Heather that I love her dearly, but I felt that she was giving more consideration to her family's schedule than to our side of the family. She was honestly shocked. In her mind, and Brandon's, we would move Heaven and Earth to be there no matter what. She felt like she had to work around her family's schedules to give them the greatest opportunity to participate. And my son couldn't imagine a world where Mom and Nana wouldn't be there, because we always had been. Sometimes its just carelessness, not a lack of caring. But better to have an honest conversation than let those hurt feelings simmer. We have discussed grandbabies with Brandon and Heather. Currently, they live a little more than an hour away. Heather told me that before they start having kids, she wants to move closer to me and to my mother so that we will be able to be there for the baby. It is really important to her that we will be part of their lives, and I'm thankful for that. I know that we will have to share holidays and celebrations, but I feel comfortable knowing that I will have my time too. And I like being able to speak frankly about things like this. Poor girl has no idea what she's getting herself into... I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Hope. Hang in there! |
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Post by disneyteach on Mar 7, 2023 21:57:09 GMT -5
HenryCPA, so glad you got to spend time with your kids & grandkids! Thank you. I lost my mom when I was still in high school, so I've had almost 2/3 of my life without her at this point. I had hoped for a nice MIL but... let's just say something they lied about this weekend just irked me and I'm now officially done with them. I don't do liars and this one isn't forgivable to me. They couldn't be bothered to meet their one and only grandson until we brought him to them and expected us always to travel even though they could go to Europe or cruises or whatever. Didn't care that my birth was literally threatening my life. Didn't care at all. So after 15 years I'm over it. Just wish my kid had a kind grandmother but we've had friends who filled in so he never felt like he was missing out on too much. My dad does what he can, but he's an engineer lol we're lucky to have great friends and other family who are cheering him on in person or from afar in a genuine way. Holy cow your story sounds sooo similar to mine, right down to the life-threatening birth. My DH & kids haven't seen his side of the family in almost 7 years. Obviously, me either, but I've always said they are more than welcome, I'm just not going. TBH, there has been so much peace in our family since the cutoff. |
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Post by henrycpa on Mar 7, 2023 22:05:18 GMT -5
HenryCPA, mentioning that you drove to Pinehurst for golf. Do you live in North Carolina? No, Northern Shenandoah Valley so about a 5,5 hour drive |
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Post by helenabear on Mar 8, 2023 10:02:49 GMT -5
HenryCPA, so glad you got to spend time with your kids & grandkids! Thank you. I lost my mom when I was still in high school, so I've had almost 2/3 of my life without her at this point. I had hoped for a nice MIL but... let's just say something they lied about this weekend just irked me and I'm now officially done with them. I don't do liars and this one isn't forgivable to me. They couldn't be bothered to meet their one and only grandson until we brought him to them and expected us always to travel even though they could go to Europe or cruises or whatever. Didn't care that my birth was literally threatening my life. Didn't care at all. So after 15 years I'm over it. Just wish my kid had a kind grandmother but we've had friends who filled in so he never felt like he was missing out on too much. My dad does what he can, but he's an engineer lol we're lucky to have great friends and other family who are cheering him on in person or from afar in a genuine way. Holy cow your story sounds sooo similar to mine, right down to the life-threatening birth. My DH & kids haven't seen his side of the family in almost 7 years. Obviously, me either, but I've always said they are more than welcome, I'm just not going. TBH, there has been so much peace in our family since the cutoff. Sorry you've been through it too. So sad when family behaves that way. I'm not sure I would welcome any of them in my home because they are toxic and manipulative. I probably gave them more chances than they deserve. My husband feels an obligation to talk to them still. Though given their push to make him do something he doesn't want to do, I wonder how long that will last. |
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Post by john2247 on Mar 8, 2023 10:28:35 GMT -5
If we had known Grandkids were so much fun we would have had them first! They are now grown, (are think they are) and we don't see them as often, but they are still lots of fun and we are looking forward to great grandkids.
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Post by Eeyorelover22 on Mar 8, 2023 11:18:56 GMT -5
My really good friend has 4 grandkids and her daughter would never allow her to take them. Now, they cannot afford to take them even if she would let them. She spends a lot of time with them at home, but their dream was to take each one on a trip.
Forgot to say, so glad you enjoyed your grand kids.
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Post by Eeyorelover22 on Mar 8, 2023 11:20:50 GMT -5
If we had known Grandkids were so much fun we would have had them first! They are now grown, (are think they are) and we don't see them as often, but they are still lots of fun and we are looking forward to great grandkids. I don't think I know anyone who doesn't say this. Makes me laugh. I feel this way about our kids' pets. One has 2 greyhounds and the other has 2 cats. I love them and they are such fun, but no pets for us! |
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It's really lovely that you all get along so well, but being more comfortable with your ex, the kids would likely gravitate to her during the trip. Perhaps when you have strengthened your relationship with the kiddos, you could all do a large family trip. But for now, I think that working on spending more 1:1 time with them is important. And your son and his mom would probably agree, if they thought about it. 
